Do I know and accept Jesus?

This has been a rollercoaster of a summer. Time is flying by and I prefer to spend all my time cleaning out closets at the main house (our Motherhouse) rather than prepare my heart for the inevitable…my leaving soon for year’s stay in Mexico.
God, I ask you to create in me a new heart, a heart capable of “knowing” You! These days, the daily Mass readings have beautiful messages for me…God loves me with an age-old love. He will always love me. He takes me by the hand. These words echo the beautiful words of Hosea: “It was I … who took them in my arms; I drew them with human cords, with bands of love. I fostered them like one who raises an infant to his cheeks.” (Hosea 11:3-4)
See how close God walks with me? God says, deep within her I will plant my law, writing it on her heart. I will be her God, and she shall be my girl. This way I will no longer be ignorant of God and his will in my life. I will know Him in the fullest sense; in a deep and intimate way! I will find Him in every experience…even in cleaning out closets...and be aware of His unconditional love for me and I will try to communicate that love to all my Sisters around me.
In today’s readings, however, I see that after the euphoria of knowing that their Master was the Messiah, all the dreams and hopes of the disciples are shattered by some terrible revelations. It is hard for me to imagine the impact these words must have had on the disciples. Peter, who had just covered himself in glory and been appointed leader, almost patronizingly takes Jesus aside, “God forbid that any such thing ever happen to you!” Yes, that would be my reaction, too! I would shout out, “No way!”
For him and the others this was an unthinkable scenario for the Messiah they were all waiting for. But the worst is yet to come. How shocked Peter must have been at Jesus’ reaction. “Get out of my sight, you Satan! (Get out of my face!) You are trying to make me trip and fall. You are not judging by God’s standards but by man’s.” Ouch! I would have been devastated! Just seconds before Jesus had called Peter a “Rock” and now he is accused of being Satan’s advocate! Instead of being a rock of stability, he is seen as a stumbling block in the way of Jesus. Ay! Ay!
I must ask myself to what extent I accept Jesus…all of Jesus…the rejected, suffering, dying and rising Jesus.